Saturday, October 11, 2014

Elaine's Confession

I hate him. Pure and simple. And I have my reasons. What reasons? Where would you like to begin? Well for one, he sucks. Completely sucks, totally sucks, he's the king of sucking. Or I suppose I should say he was. He won't be bothering anyone anymore, now will he?

Anyways, back to the sucking. He sucked because he never shut up, and even though he never shut up he never said anything worth saying. Most people are like that, but he seemed to excel in ceaseless stupidity. At one point he tried to convince me that the universe had in fact revolved around the Earth until the giant meteor that killed all of the dinosaurs knocked it out of place. No really. He went on about it for three hours. I think he may have actually believed it. That's the kicker, he really thought he was a genius and I should thank the Lord on High for the opportunity to be graced with his words.

He also sucked because he was so ridiculously loud. Everything he did was loud, he even breathed loudly. I couldn't take the noise anymore. He would walk down the stairs and you would've sworn you were in the center of a German air raid back in World War II. I have very good hearing and extremely sensitive ears. And all that noise just got to me, poking at my brain all the time, it drove me crazy. Ha! Crazy. That is what you think I am, but I assure when I'm done explaining you'll understand why I did what I did.

Have I mentioned how rude he was? Everything he did seemed to be insulting to someone. And he thought it was all hilarious. Well it wasn't. Most of the time it was just gross. I don't understand how anyone his age can still be that immature. Bodily functions don't need to be seen, heard, or described in any social situation. Any situation at all really, unless of course you're talking to a doctor which, last time I checked, I'm not.

He also had no concept of personal space. And no respect for a persons boundaries. I don't know why no one ever told him, but no means no. No, I didn't want to hold his hand, or sit that close, or really have any form of physical contact. But did he listen? No. He just laughed it off and told me to calm down. Why should I have? I made things perfectly clear. I didn't play games about it, laugh about it. I was completely clear. It just didn't matter to him.

That's the main reason he sucked. It didn't matter. It should have mattered. If a person says to stop, you fucking stop. It's not a hard thing to understand. You would think someone who thought he was as smart as he thought he was would be able to comprehend such a simple concept. But no. People like that shouldn't be allowed to exist. He didn't care about me, why should I have cared about him?

He had to die, you see. It was the only ending that made any sense. No one who sucks that much should live. You brought me here to confess, so here's your confession. I shot him. I shot him over and over and over until my gun ran out of bullets. I watched the light leave his eyes as he bled out on my carpet. I don't feel bad about it, why should I? I did what was right. You can pretend you don't agree all you want, but it's true and you know it. Though I do wish I had thought to shoot him in the bathroom. I liked that carpet.

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